How to Keep A Secret

Welcome to the Down By The Hipster Op/Ed Section, where columnists pen pieces on issues they care deeply about.

By Birdy Rooney

In today's wacky world of interspacewebnotics, it's tough to keep a secret. Every Madison, Pace and Juan Juan is carrying around a camera ready to send it to their favorite media outlet. We know this. We love this. But if you are opening a business, and aspire to keep it low key, there are ways of managing the information. You can stay under the radar for as long as you want.

When we learned of the new, "secret" bar, being opened by Hot Dog titan Crif Dogs, we were intrigued. Access is restricted, seating is limited. Sounds hot. They even named the place Please Don't Tell. And then they launched their PR Campaign. And we don't know why. Why name a place Please Don't Tell and then go out and announce it to the world? A better name would be would "Hey Look Everyone, Small Bar, Good Drinks Available Here!" The logo could be a map.

If DBTH wanted to open a secret bar, we would build the space, hang a small sign, and hire a bouncer. Then we wouldn't let anyone in for 3 months. No press, no customers, no nothing. Then we would roll out the invites. That's how you secretly open a bar.

We are willing to teach any prospective operators on just how to launch secretly. Just drop us a line and we will set something up. Don't worry, no one will know.

It'll be our little secret.